tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
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