I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
