if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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