Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
