Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
