You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
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