my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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