Three words: puerto rican gang bang
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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