If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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