So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Randomize
