she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
