I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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