I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I enjoy the company of your penis
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
