When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
