Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
