Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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