my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
soo... how was my night?
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