How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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