i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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