How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
