Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just had sex on a roof
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
