Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
