so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
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