I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
