I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
