Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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