Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
