Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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