Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
