ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Randomize
