i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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