It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
