I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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