so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
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Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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