i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
