I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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