It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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