He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
