Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
