I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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