I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
