please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
