So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
she pinky promised me she was 18
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
