On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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