you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
