I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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