For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
