I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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