Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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