I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
