I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
