why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
