I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Randomize
