good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I touched a dick in church today
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
