i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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