it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
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