Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
