that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
