i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
