So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
