Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
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So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
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Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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