I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
