I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
