Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
