And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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