A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
