Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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