I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
