She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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