first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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