The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
